"So I cruised along, doing my thing, acting the fool… Not really understanding. And I don’t remember the exact moment everything changed, I just know that it did. One minute I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next, my heart was somehow beating outside my chest, exposed to the elements.
Loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to bear. I made a silent vow to protect you from the world, never realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. When I flash forward, my heart breaks, mostly because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride. How could you?”
It was a good thing you’re the one who walked away. Since I couldn’t and still probably won’t.
I’d drop it all just for another chance, but maybe that’s just my problem.
I need to break off these chains holding me down, I’m usually quite private about this, but I’ve never felt like I’ve been in such a deep hole. Let me start off by saying I’m not trying to get you back or get your attention. But more like I want you to read this and feel my pain. You were everything I wanted and everything I needed. You were the one. You dug me out of slumps and vice versa, and you might not see it that way but it’s the truth. I’m not the same person I was before you, and neither are you. What I want you to understand might be quite difficult to comprehend, but here it is. It’s quite simple, not only did you break my heart… but you shattered my life. You were literally everything to me. I know I might have seemed like I played it off cool, but that’s not the case. Every day I think about you, about us. The only thing that keeps you off my mind is my work; but yet after a long stressful day all that runs through me is you. Every time I think about you being with someone else… it drives me fucking insane. Recently when I went back home to el paso to visit, my only thought was to run into you and your new man.. JUST to find a reason to beat him down, but no… it’s not his fault. I need to be a man and accept the facts. If it’s anyone’s ass I should kick, it should definitely be mine. But even though I know the truth I cannot help but hate you. I know I said it was all good, but I was only fooling myself. I’m full of shit. I fucking hate you, with such passion. It hurts so much. I’ve never felt this way, I’ve even contemplated the worse… suic… never mind nobody needs to hear that, furthermore nobody gives a shit. Specially you, Gloria. I hope you’re happy, because I’m fucking miserable. Like I said this isn’t an attempt to win you back or anything of the sort, as a matter a fact I hope to never hear from you again. EVER. All I want is for you to feel my pain, and know what I’m going through. But I know you probably won’t even see this. But whatever. I love you, but I have to let go. My burning sun will someday rise. It’s 4AM and I’m completely trashed. And I just don’t know anymore, I just don’t know. Anyways if you do happen to come across this nonsense Gloria, I just have 1 request. Since I know you’re happy and whatnot and you’ll probably never willingly thing of me, the 1 thing I hope… is that when Sublime comes on the radio or your phone or whatever it may be… think of me. That’s it. And you might think “why?” But you probably wont, because we’ll you know. Anyways yeah… I hate you but I love you and I wish you the best. I just had to get this off my back.
Back to mind…. back to mind….
Man, I remember getting stoned with you and just having the most awesome conversations ever.
Have you ever experienced such a thing as divine intervention or believed to have ? Even if you havent, have you ever thought, decided or concluded that everything happens for a reason ? Have you ever come to realize that everything we do or do not do for that matter is all for some reason unknown and that for THAT something else is bound to happen in the way that it does or will ? Has this ever crossed your mind ? Has one thing happened and you were completely astounded as to why it did and why it DIDNT happen ?…. divine intervention. for a reason. or a fluke.what would it be….
Was there through it all